What If... the Silver Surfer Had Not Escaped Earth?

Having then current Silver Surfer artist Ron Lim on the character's first full What If? story may have lent it credence, but Ron Marz' script is a load of hooey and padding. I may feel compelled to take on a more critical tone...

What If vol.2 #22 (January 1991)
Based on: The Silver Surfer vol.3 #1
The true history: The Silver Surfer, trapped on Earth by Galactus, manages to finally leave it using Ben Grimm's suggestion that he do it on a spaceship rather than on his own power. In the events following, Galactus grants the Surfer his freedom.
Turning point: What if the Thing never suggested the idea that freed the Silver Surfer?
Story type: New World Order
Watcher's mood: If looks could bite
Altered history: The suggestion the Surfer follows in this timeline is to join the Fantastic Four so he could at least get a sense of belonging (so the Defenders don't count?). Considering the FF were present when the Surfer was exiled to Earth in 1966, and the turning point occurs in 1982, Reed took his merry time making the offer. And so the FF become the Fantastic Five.
And by the looks of it, having such a high-powered character on the team makes things really boring. The only missions the Surfer didn't go on were those that took place off Earth, so I'm betting the FF did a lot of that, kind of like how the Doctor used to leave K9 back in the TARDIS every week. One day, the FF get a call from a priest and find him possessed by Mephisto.
The FF are soon transported to hell where Mephisto tries to make a deal with the Surfer. He'll bring home all his demons, who are apparently responsible for all the evil in the world (oh really?) and would be needed to keep the Surfer there, in exchange for the Surfer's soul. He'll release the rest of the FF from torment as a signing bonus. But while the Surfer agrees, he doesn't want to sign. His word is his bond. But you don't screw around with Mephisto.
He kills the Human Torch (irony!) fire and Norrin Radd signs. All of Mephisto's demons return to hell to sit on the Surfer, and the F3 are sent home. According to Reed Richards, the Torch is irreplaceable, so he disbands the team. Now we KNOW that's not what goes down when the FF lose the Torch, don't we? But in any case, who needs superheroes when all the evils of the world have fled? In the ensuing decades (we see Franklin Richards get his doctorate), there's just no call for them. Apartheid ends. Cops and street gangs get friendly. Captain America puts away his shield. Even the Punisher runs out of criminals to punish.
But eventually, a woman strikes her child. A man strikes his wife. Someone throws a brick through a store window. And evil is on the rise again. Why? Because it's humanity's true nature. Well, you can't have it both ways, Ron Marz! Either the demons (and from the looks of it, a rather small number of them) are responsible for humanity's evils, or they aren't. If it's our true nature, how can there be DECADES of utopic dullness in the Marvel Universe? Where even an obsessed character like the Punisher retires! But thanks for the Golden Age, Surfer! And when it does come to an end, Mephisto feels all that evil invigorate him to the point where he tries to destroy the Surfer's soul outright. (So wait, calling his demons home actually drained his own power? I know the Surfer's soul is important to him, but why is it when holding him down there is actually a disadvantage?) Anyway, the Surfer's spirit turns out to be indestructible and it returns to burn Mephisto with its light for all eternity.
Hey, the Surfer's just keeping his part of the bargain.
Books canceled as a result: After a demonless hiatus, all Marvel series could have returned save for the Surfer's. Though maybe featuring the children of the original characters.
These things happen: Some of the details kind of recently came true, like the FF losing the Torch and their number going up beyond four (but in reverse order). And the Apartheid thing, that came true in the real world. Otherwise, not so much. If it had, maybe Spider-Man's marriage would have been safe.

Next week: What if the All-New, All-Different X-Men Had Never Existed?
My guess: So much paper saved during the 90s!

Comments

Anonymous said…
My favourite thing of that issue was the Shalla-Bal's dress. I didn't know Mefisto had his own line!

Roger
Siskoid said…
Fashion is indeed the work of the Devil.
Anonymous said…
The original was 1982, not 1978.
It's actually Vol 3 #1 - Vol 2 was a one shot in 1982. So this spins out of events even later in 1987.

One of the curious things about that series was how little Mephisto was used - there's no direct confrontation until the Resurrection limited series that came out around issue #80 and even then battle is avoided. It was only in #100, Marz's last full issue, that the two go head to head. Maybe this issue was the incoming writer on the series working any need to use Mephisto out of his system.
Siskoid said…
Chugging through these, Tim? Or just picking and choosing?

(Fixed the volume number, by the way.)